Ei meghla dine akla, ghore thaake na to mon.

Did ever your spirits light up, listening to a song that probably your grandmother adored, then your mum and a 15 year-old you would have been indifferent to? It had happened to me just now and thus the need for this post. Other reasons might have contributed. For example, getting the opportunity to chat with your old school friend (who's also in the same part of the city as you) in pure bengali, about Bibhutibhushan's novels that had chilled you to the core, about Professor Shonku & all his adventures, about your resolutions, how you've turned into a person that probably a 15-year old you would have despised and last but not the least how today's weather in Delhi inspired a particular genre of Rabindrasangeet in you, how the night-watchman gave a start when he heard you singing "paagla haawa baadol dine" and "Aami chini go chini tomare". I was searching for video clips of Satyajit Ray's movies that had Rabindrasangeet played in them. Emaculate, each one of them. I came across this wonderful "adhunik gaan"( though its probably 50 years old, everything post-Rabindrasangeet is adhunik to mum's generation & beyond).
Biswajit lips in this song. And how delightfully he does so. You can be hopelessly in love, hopelessly not in love, waiting for some-one, not-waiting-for-someone..whatever your state might be, the melody will always delight you. Hemanta's sleek voice enchants. I'm sure I've seen this movie quite a few times. Will have to call her up to get the name.
There are times when for days at a stretch, you wait for something to happen that will break the monotony, to enthuse you with life again. This song did that to me, today. I think I will be a more active person tomorrow.
Its 3 in the morning. I better get some sleep.
Sweetdreams to me. :)

Hemlock Society

Shouldn't killing yourself be legalised, irrespective of whether you suffer from an incurable disease or not, whether you are terminally old or not? After all its your life! If you think the opportunity cost of living is too much for you to bear, isn't it better for you to be non-living ( Though I'm not sure whether you become "non-living" after death) ? This argument can be countered in the following melodramatic, filmy way: You have no right to take your life since you are not the one who created it? ( I'm not sure what exactly "creation" implies here, and when ''exactly" are you created? Is it at the moment that the first sperm penetrates the first layer of the ovum, or when the XX & XY chromosomes combine themselves to form a new DNA combination, or when the heart of the foetus beats for the first time )
I was in a convent school where the nuns used to describe the above phenomenon as "miraculous". Sister would say ''out of those millions of sperms, one was chosen and you were born" much before that joke in 3 idiots. That you should consider life a precious gift, given that many 13 year old girls had displayed 'wrist-cutting' tendencies in school. To look into the lines of your hand and see how special you are because the intricacies of your palm are unique to you and you alone.
But you might not think that way. You might be fed up or tired or simply bored of your life like the protagonist in "Veronica Decides to Die". I don't understand why killing yourself is a crime. Some wise man had once said this before he died, " Now I'm ready for the next great adventure, Death". Many great people knew the exact time of their death much before it actually came. There was the great Mathematician, Ramanuja who had calculated the exact timing of his death, there was Swami Vivekananda who knew that he was sitting for his last meditation. These people died young and if they knew they were dying and  did nothing about it, was it not voluntary? There are western musicians and idols who had innovated new ways of making themselves "non-living".
I am not arguing in favour of hemlock societies around the world.
Just a thought. I have watched a Bengali movie of the same name. It had the usual cliched ending. But started off in quite an interesting way.

Cooking and ilish

When you stay alone you do all kinds of jugaad with food. You have a sandwich for a lunch. A pizza for dinner. A cup of tea for breakfast. Somehow you just don't want to cook for yourself. Normal meals are of the least importance to you when you are the only one in the house. Shopping for groceries is another deterrent.
I think this is because cooking is always for someone. What incentivises you to go through the process (if not being paid) is to make your loved one taste your invention and the pleasure of sitting down with him/ her and savouring the food, talking about how the day went and warming your ears now and then about how good you cooked.
Cooking with mothers is always fun. I realized this partly a few months back. When at home, I used to be indifferent when I used to hear gossips about how some didi had called up her mother thousands of miles away to know when to put the shorshe(for the Bengali challenged,shorshe is mustard) in the ilish(ah well..no one can translate ilish unless you taste one..I'll just tell you what it is..it is THE MOST DELICIOUS fish to eat among the Bengalis, Oriyas, Gujaratis and the national fish of Bangladesh) or how much water to put when boiling spaghetti and how are the number of whistles of the pressure cooker and the potato's tenderness related to each other.
On this note let me narrate a curious incident to you. I was at the Subhash Nagar mall's(New Delhi) retail SPAR that day with dad and bon. We were in the fish market and looking for spiced dried chicken that just needed frying since we were too lazy to cook. We went to the place where all fishes were kept in line. Without the walls and with some more fishy smell, you would feel like you are standing in some fish market in Kolkata. All childhood memories returned when dad and I would go the nearby fish market to fish fish! I was in such a reverie while dad was checking out the prices. There was pomphlet, rohu etc. Suddenly a sardarji came up to dad and started asking which one tasted what. I was smiling. Bon said " How lucky that Sardarji is. Getting a Bengali to answer questions about fishes". She was actually right. Back at home, dad had a few Punjabi friends who would come to dinner and ONLY HAVE ILISH. Gosh I used to get so angry. Ilish would be bought specifically for them and my share would reduce to only 2-3 pieces.
Ilish has gotten very expensive now. Last monsoon it was Rs. 1500/kg at Delhi's Chittaranjan park. Someday when I have the money and patience I will buy 1 full kg of ilish, all the required spices, I will call up mum thousands of kilometers away to know the recipe of the fish that had enchanted my taste buds in almost all the monsoons of my life.

I hear ilish is about to be extinct ..given  the high demand from all over the world. I don't pay heed to such rumours. I know there will always be some big healthy ilish waiting for me to get cooked and to enchant my taste buds again, nomatter in which part of the world I reside in.

P.S. Ilish was not what I had in mind at all. But bon's returning from Kolkata tomorrow and she's bringing only fried rohu and not ilish. Last monsoon's ilish were missed by me. I guess a year and a half of separation from your favourite fish does this to you.

Western ghats beckoning

View of the Western Ghats from the Rajmachi point, Khandala on the Mumbai Pune expressway

The Western ghats always had intrigued me. In fact Western India always had. I had seen the peaks, hills, rain-forests, wildlife sanctuaries and lakes of the Himalayas( right from Kashmir to Darjeeling), the hills of the Vindhyas( Central, South India), the beaches all along the Coromandel Coast(East and South), all the temples and their invaluable architecture( South mainly) but never the West. In 2010 I had made an attempt. I did visit Kerala with a friend and her family. I was absolutely taken away by Munnar, a green retreat in the Nilgiri Hills of the Western Ghats. Munnar was at its greenest and rainiest best when I had first laid my eyes on it on 24th October, 2010. The locals said it hardly stopped drizzling there in that season. We spent only 2 days out of the 15 day trip in Munnar. I knew I had to come back.

Today sitting in my couch in Delhi, I realize that in not more than 6 months I am going to be within a half an hour driving distance of the beautiful Ghats. I think more than the Arabian Sea, it is the green hills of western ghats that I am looking forward to. Cheers to wishes coming true!

Annihilation

I have learnt forgiving people. People that hurt you beyond repair. People whom you had called you your own. I have always made good everything. As if nothing had happened. As if nothing existed beyond my goodness. Because without forgiving I will get so angry that I could almost destroy anything that comes on my way.
There can be minds so soft that could be hurt by the smallest of things. I wonder why these minds exist if there's no one to understand them until that softness is gone and is replaced by a hard shell. Still the mind makes the same mistake every time of letting "own people" touch its softer core. Gets hurt, hardens by another layer. Layer by layer hardens until all that is left is hardened ash. Ash so black it it could digest every thing from planets to solar systems, mightier than the black hole...

Boondon kay moti

There have been these unconventional bollywood romantic numbers that I would always fall for. The latest one is " Boondon kay moti" from Wake up Sid. I would list the rest of them them in a minute but before that I need to release  the ecstasy that comes to me everytime I listen to the line " Yun..ki tai kar na payun main, Dil ki baat main hawaake zariya pohuchayun re, Ya khud hawa pe chadh k ayun re..." from this song. The video shows the beautiful Mumbai  rains wherein Ranbir and Kankona cherish both the raindrops and their love. I can't say it feels exactly the same when you realize the other person "loves" you too but I would like to believe it does so.

Like a year or two back its was Ash and her sisters in white, dancing in the rain in some hilltop in Himachal (yes in  the title track of Taal). I had seen it many times before but it was only in the warm April afternoon of 2011 sitting in a darkened room, staring at the video with days to go for my part 3 finals that something dawned upon me about the movie. There was something about matching the rhythm of your souls. What a beautiful way to look at togetherness. With both the protagonists in Taal being graduates in music, the matching of vibes goes perhaps maybe on in another dimension.  In that song " Taal se taal milaa" Ash is searching for someone with whom she'll feel like one, when the rhythms will be perfectly synchronised and life will seem like a beautiful music thereon.

 Then there is "Bin tere kya hai jeena" from Woh Lamhe. How the patient Ahuja takes care of and tends a schizophrenic Kangna like a parent showcases love in another different dimension. This is also very close to the heart because I have two very close people in my life who kinda resemble Ahuja and Kangana in this movie.
There's "Tumse hi" from JWB, not as soul-stirring but stirring all the same. Background- rains again. Shahid feels Kareena to be there with him always ,guiding him. Love is inspiration here. It is a motivation in the true sense of the word.

This list could go on and on. But this discussion won't be complete without " Der lagi lekin' from ZNMD. No  rains here. But equally soul-stirring as the others mentioned above. This song comes at a time in the movie when two of the protagonists realize the true meaning of their existence, find their way in life. Put special emphasis on '' Ab maine yeh jaana hai, khushi hai kya, gham kya....Dono hi do pal ki hai rutein na yeh thehre na rookein..Zindagi do rangon se bane..ab roothein ab mane..yehi to hai yehi to hai yahaan". Sometime back I was lost and I would listen to this number and would not exactly find a way but atleast start searching for it with the confidence that I WILL find it.. the way. Such is the power of this song.
There's 'Sawali si raat ho" from Barfi that could make you sit for hours in the dark and listen to it. Love without words..isn't that like magic. Since communication forms such an important part of loving someone, if you can express everything without words then it must be an other-worldly experience where silence reigns supreme and emotions are exchanged through eyes.
Bollywood is a part of who I am. I remember when I was eight and I had 2-3 diaries full of lyrics of Bollywood songs. I didn't understand all of the lyrics but had them by heart anyway. Our group of 4 girls would compete amongst ourselves on who could memorise the maximum amount of lyrics from the latest B'wood songs. This craziness reached its peak with Kaho na Pyaar Hai. The song "Kyun Chalti hai Pawan" had grabbed my attention the most those days. It was Hritik's bespectacled-car-driving-in-New-Zealand look and the beautiful lines that would play in the background. I would listen to it day in and out in a sony tape-recorder( now obsolete) and spend all my pocket money buying stickers of HR and stick them on the back pages ( egotist me, I would never buy posters and stick them on the walls of my room - I wouldn't like to show the world that i had fallen hard for this guy) of my Diary.

Shit, i have strayed away from what I had started with. I was just celebrating this song from WUS. Yes, right now and for the next few days this is the song that will guide my life and thoughts. I think I have fallen for Ranbir( I know he looks very childish in this video). Even though, I won't like to admit it.

P.S. 1) A friend of mine said I kind of resembled Konkona in this song. I don't think I do. After all, being an independent young woman is harder in Delhi than in Mumbai, I believe.
2) I could have changed the name of the post, now that I have strayed far away from what I had intended to convey, but I won't.
3) Bollywood style romance happens. If you've watched and followed Bollywood all your life and still not have any of it in your real life, not even in your head with someone whom you love, its not sad. Its just that I am over-imaginative.
4) Forgive me my taking the actors' name and not the protagonists in the movies that i have described. I realize now how real I think these characters to be.
5) I think this post seems creepy after all the previous ones that I have written. But I had to pay my own little tribute to Bollywood some day or the other.

Love

I have always found inspiration in some person or the other. In every state and stage of life( here i mean school, college,office, housing society, etc)  there would always be these men and women ( sometimes much elder to me) who would suddenly become the person of my dreams. Yes its the obsession kind of thing. The falling in love kind of thing. Its not gender specific. It might or might not involve physical longing.

During this time there would be no one else i could possibly agree more to. These people would influence me with their intellectual prowess, the way they move around in the world. The admiration could possibly be stemming from the their following those principles/ ideals which i have always cherished. Or their complete disregard of some of those principles but strict adherance  to others. At one time, there would be only one of these people that i could possibly love. And the rest of the world would just fade away. Yes i am a one-man-woman woman( at one time). If its put that way.

Luckily, these people will know that i exist( i'm a morone you might think, but no read further please). Not only will they know, they will pamper me. And i would fall head over heels everytime i remembered how they had spoken about me or to me.

However, this fling would always end in a heartbreak with me realising that these people are not perfect. And i had just imagined a world that wasn't there.

Too abrupt an end? well, let it be. Just wanted to share this.